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Black


By Vampire - Posted on 11 February 2013

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Stormy Note: Unsolicited fanfic, my favourite! This short-and-dark noir piece comes from a forum vampire who would prefer to remain so at the moment.

Enjoy...



A darkly sticky sweat fragrance lingered in the air; the smell of sweat and tears and sex. It’s a smell that only a private detective could know.

She was leaning against the streetlight on the corner alone, I was stumbling home after a night of cheap scotch served neat and warm, She was youthful,I was exhausted by a long month of missing persons found dangling by nooses and cheating husbands found, with my help, mid fornication by enraged devastated wives

She was tall,I was low, all my capacity to believe in human love and romance and hope and goodness had spilled out of me like grain from a hole in a burlap sack, slowly, piece by piece.

And though the caked on makeup had been touched up in the alley before she again stepped under the streetlight, but you could tell she'd been crying anyway, she was still more beautiful than any whore you usually found in this part of town...

Not that I’m trying to make excuses.

I paid her to take me to bed and make me see something other than bleak black darkness in the world.

I suppose she did...

We entered the room where she transacted her business. As I turned around from closing the door she kissed me with a sudden passion that was so opposite to the timid and hesitant demeanor she had shown on the street corner that it surprised me, in my drunken state, and I pulled back from her. In the instant that we broke apart before she again leapt at me with longing vigor I looked into her eyes. The timid downturned expression she wore under the streetlight had been replaced with a fixed and ravenous gaze, but just in the corners of her eyes, almost hidden by the layers of lustful intensity there was sadness. Just a hint of sadness in the lust.

My back slammed against the bed and she straddled me kissing me with deep and intense kisses. She pinned my arms above my head with strength unexpected in one so beautiful and as she kissed me, straddling me, I began to feel a pleasure. A pleasure like sex although i couldn't remember our having removed our clothes. It tingled like the pins and needles of a foot fallen asleep but in a toe-curling sort of way, and, although it started in my waist where her body straddled mine it slowly spread, moving up my body and down my legs, as she kissed me with a desperate passion.

The pins and needles pleasure filled me, making the grimy room in a whorehouse seem like heaven but the beautiful girl, tall and youthful, straddled on top of me began to cry. Slow soft tears running down her nose through the caked on makeup despite the deep and passionate kisses.

And her eyes…

the sadness almost hidden by the lust and longing was now just below the surface as if the lustful passion were a quickly evaporating mask through which her internal dialog stared at me.

The pins and needles pleasure filled me near to bursting.

But at the height of ecstasy I suddenly began to slip. I felt myself blacking out, my head growing cloudy. At the same time the pins and needles pleasure near my waist began to fade being replaced with...

Nothing.

As if my body too was blacking out, going numb and disappearing. the disappearing feeling spread slowly just like the pins and needles pleasure had moments before, slowly going up my body and down my legs from where the beautiful whore, tall and youthful, straddled me. She was still crying and the kisses had diminished in tempo and intensity, the lustful mask was gone. As i disappeared, between each kiss she said,

"I'm sorry",

Kiss.

"I'm sorry",

Kiss.

"I can’t help it",

Kiss.

"I have to",

Kiss.

"I'm sorry"...

I felt myself sinking into nothingness, consciousness blurring into darkness...

Then, where there had been nothing just an instant before, there was a man in a suit with a gun.

In one motion he threw the whore from the bed and against the far wall. The life rushed back into my body pushing out the nothingness and the pins and needles poison. Instantly, I passed out, unconscious but alive.

I awoke sometime later, tired, hungry, cold, and wobbly in a grimy room in a whorehouse very confused but alive.

It must have been a nightmare brought on by the stress and booze, but sometimes as I’d scour the streets looking for missing persons and cheating husbands I’d think about it and wonder if maybe I had a guardian angel out there somewhere...

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Stormy's picture

That's the new general fanfic banner (Require: Ego Trip will continue to have the red ones) - threw it together in about five minutes (as I do with everything).

That's part of the Brisbane skyline, and I work in one of the visible buildings. :)

Reality is a formality.

Stormy's picture

I could never write noir - but I like seeing the Cookieverse like this. ^_^

It's also fun to see a civilian point of view, with the Agency barely intersecting into his life, but having a meaninful impact - but without exposing themselves, or giving a view as to what's beyond the curtain.

In short, it's far more of the typical interaction people have with the Agency. ^_^

Reality is a formality.

I like the gritty feel. Whoever the author is, just a couple of thoughts. watch the repetition. You want to try and say things in different ways, or use words to refer back to previous phrases rather than repeating the full thing. straddling and kissing, and pins and needles particularly pop out. After writing, wait a day, then go back over it, and any word that you find your eyes skipping, your mind not reading, as it's not needed, delete it.

But keep on with the writing! I look forward to more. also, I totally want to know what the creature was that was fuck/eating him.

Free online fiction and hosting of YOUR fiction,
www.dreamfantastic.com

Stormy's picture

...would be a nymph, cause that experience can be described as draining, but usually they don't kill their victims so...no idea.

Reality is a formality.

so many bad puns.

Free online fiction and hosting of YOUR fiction,
www.dreamfantastic.com

Stormy's picture

You're welcome.

Reality is a formality.

Shade's picture

... but I can't figure out why.

There's just so much that appeals to me. The noir style of it, the random personal thoughts, the way it could have gone in any direction...

There's certainly more to be seen here.

Bufi's picture

...Good job! Do reveal yourself and write some more! :)

Resident owl.