All the questions are here!
Here are all the books from arc 1:
[Placeholder page for the second arc - being books 8-14 - nothing to see here yet.]
Dear traitorous wench,
Did you think I wouldn't find out? I'm ME, of course I would find out. How could you?! After all this time you go and betray me like that. I was there for you when noone else was, and this the thanks I get. Fine! You go, go fly see if I care.
Captain Hook
Cap...cap...capt...Captain! I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to! It wasn't my fault! It wasn't like I was trying to fly or something, everything just went floaty, and me with it!
Forgive me, please forgive me, you can make me walk the plank, so long as you forgive me! I didn't mean to! I was thinking about you the whole time, and I so totally didn't mean to.
And I didn't enjoy it at all. Not at all. I mean, there was nothing but air beneath my feet (and I wasn't even wearing shoes at the time!), nothing to stop me plummeting a hundred billion fathoms. I wasn't turning into Peter, I didn't enjoy it, I didn't! It was scary, and I couldn't make it work anyway. ;_;
I don't want to fly, not really, not never. I still want to fly under your flag, I'm not one of Peter's.
Still a pirate,
Stef.
Ask any Wibbly-verse character a question, send your queries to: unseen_spyder@yahoo.com
Dear Stef,
Has agent Ryan said anything about me? I think he is cute, do you think he is cute? Do you think he would go out with me? Are you planning on dieing again anytime soon I could hang out with him some more? If so, please give me a bit of notice this time so I can freshen up.
XOXO
Death
P.S. Limbo says hi.
...
...
...Death? You use...email? I suppose that's cool. (But please, gods, tell me that you don't have a mySpace otherwise you might be seeing me a lot sooner than expected).
And, um, nope he hasn't said anything, he's mainly making O_O faces and watching me try and squish my brain back in or squirrel-cheek half a dozen cookies (a new record!).
Is he cute? How the heck should I know?
Would he go out with you? Couldn't you like...just snap your finger and demand with THE VOICE that he go out with you? (I read too many books, do you actually have THE VOICE?).
And no I'm not fscking planning on dying again soon! But if I see any more creepy guys with guns (um, other than the one you want to go steady with), I'll...how the heck do I contact you? Is there a Death-signal I can toss up?
Tell Limbo hi back. :)
Confused and Clueless,
Stef
Ask any Wibbly-verse character a question, send your queries to: unseen_spyder@yahoo.com
Dear Stef,
I'm not usually the kind of person who writes to advice columns but I'm at my wits end. You see, I have a stalker. He's already appeared in my bedroom once and I'm really freaking out about it. I would call the police, but this is kind of out of their league. He's kinda sorta a vampire and has weird powers beyond mere mortal comprehension.
How can I get rid of him without revealing my own superpowers?
Please help!
Glimmering and Confused
PS. Oh yeah! I also have superpowers because I'm a superhero. Was that an important thing to mention?
PPS. He also fits into the 'our vampires are different' trope.
"I'm not usually the kind of person who writes to advice columns"
That's ok, it's not like I'm actually qualified for this job or anything.
"You see, I have a stalker."
Buy a gun, or call the cops, depending on where your moral compass swings. Or, you could do both, and just use the gun as the last resort (if you feel so compelled to give this guy a chance). Personally, I think stalkers, on the scale of humanity (not that I'm an expert or anything on that subject) rate somewhere around that green scum I get between my toes.
He's already appeared in my bedroom once and I'm really freaking out about it.
Gun, definitely gun...and how the heck did he get into your bedroom in the first place, does your house security suck or something? (Also, if you have any older siblings, you may want to bribe them with money (or, you know, blackmail them with the incriminating evidence you've no doubt built up over the years - again, no expert on the subject, I assume this is what people with siblings do) to watch your room/ridiculously insecure security system while you sleep.
I would call the police, but this is kind of out of their league. He's kinda sorta a vampire and has weird powers beyond mere mortal comprehension.
...
...
...*eye twitch*
[Ok, I just went and asked the guy who can break into my apartment with a single thought and who watching me "sleep" for a month who coincidentally has phenomenal cosmic powers of his own my boss if vampires are real. He said they weren't, but that I can possibly pick up trans-dimensional emails. It's a weird Occam's Razor, but I AM going to assume that you're from another dimension so I don't have to go dye my hair blonde and start the stabinating].
Oh...
Fine, get a fscking bazooka. And some holy water grenades.
(Oh, and it's a good thing you didn't write into an advice column written by a mere mortal).
And really, really, don't use the phrase "beyond mere mortal comprehension", just don't. String theory is beyond most mortal comprehension, as the the concept that London =/= England and by extension Britain =/= England. Also the plot of most things Gainax. (Ok, maybe not the last one). But seriously, if it was beyond mere mortal comprehension, you a) wouldn't bloody know he had powers or b) would probably be one of those hard-to-scrub-out stains on the carpet.
What exactly is he doing that's...vampish? Or beyond mortal comprehension? (it's ok, I'm a genius, I can handle it).
Also...why haven't you tried to stake this guy yet?
How can I get rid of him without revealing my own superpowers?
Given reasonable deduction (i.e. the fact that you're being stalked by a vampire), I'd say you're a girl. (Seriously, the world needs more gay vampires). In this case, since you don't want to reveal your own superpowers-
No, no, sorry, I can't do it. If you have superpowers, why not just take this guy out? Beat him up, shoot him with your eye beams, toss him through the atmosphere, drop him from a great height onto acid-dripping spikes or make puppies appear in his spleen? (I mean, I have no idea what your powerset it, but unless you're Blessed with Suck, surely you can do something -_-).
...
Oi. But if you're valuing your Clark Kent side more than your own safety, I would suggest relying on malformed misogyny and chivalry. Throw yourself at people who want to protect your pretty, pretty non-violent princess self...this is probably the easiest way to senselessly and selfishly endanger someone else's life for your own gain.
PS. Oh yeah! I also have superpowers because I'm a superhero. Was that an important thing to mention?
No shit.
I kinda guessed that.
PPS. He also fits into the 'our vampires are different' trope.
Bazookas honestly work on most people. Also, you could freeze him with liquid nitrogen or bury him in a cave-in two miles underground. Or chuck him in a volcano.
Please help!
Glimmering and Confused
Suggests you buy a gun,
Angry and needing a dose of Buffy.
-Stef.
If you've got your own question you'd like to ask Stef, you can email her at unseen_spyder@yahoo.com
Emma,
I ask this advice from you as a man, and as someone who respects you greatly. There is a woman I wish to be with, even if only for one night, and I have no way of reaching out to her. She a kind of person that I have never been with, and not to brag, I have had my fair share of dalliances. She is...one in a million, I would hazard a guess to say that she even may be unique, but if not unique, then at least one of the most exquisite examples of womanhood that I have ever seen. She has the face of - no pun intended here - an angel, a body that may have been carved from pure sex itself and a disposition that I can only call...fiery.
I have tried on several occasions to reach out to her, but given our respective positions, I have no way of knowing if my tokens ever did reach her. I am at a loss, for I do not want to send anyone in my stead, lest she exercise that fiery temper on them and unfortunately kill the messenger.
It is you I speak of, Emma, I wish to be melted by your fire. Please, respond to my letter, respond to my love.
-Lustful and Pining
Hi LaP,
Agent Chance here, filling in for Emma while she finds the appropriate tool to melt you with. You’re in luck, for as her closest confidante I alone have the inside scoop on how to woo such a... er...
Anyway. The best way to reach out to her is with a very long stick. Your best bet is to use something utilitarian which you could easily stand to lose, like a broom perhaps, though you may want to attach it to another, longer broom first. Forget any old stick you might find lying in the park: Emma’s a classy woman and at least deserves average.
Secondly, if you’re a guy with a gender identity fluid enough you might want to think about changing your sex. Emma only swings one way and doesn’t buy into any of that ‘womyn born womyn’ mumbo jumbo. Now is the time to get her while she’s on the rebound: just make sure she doesn’t land in any of your vital organs.
Lastly if all else fails I recommend Photoshop. As one who has had many relationships with members of the .jpg family I can tell you firsthand how easy they are to maintain, how overly convenient they are and how you never have to break up unless you want to.
I hope this has been helpful, now RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Yours sincerely,
Bored and reading other people’s emails
Dear Stef,
HELP! I am trapped in a mall surrounded by zombies. It gets worse. The nitwit who decided he was in charged wants to fracking get on a boat and sail to an island. Has he ever sailed before... no, does he have any maps... no WTF does he think he is Robinson Crusoe or something. And what he thinks zombies cant swim or something? They dont need to fracking breath they can walk ffs. How is fighting water logged zombies with coconuts any better then being trapped here now?! I think if he were turned into a zombie it would increase his IQ.
Please help me get rid of this guy, without yanno everyone finding out I killed em and then killing me, cause that would kinda suck.
P.S. please send ammo with your reply, we are running a bit low.
Sincerely,
Mally
Ok, firstly, take a breath - but not too big of a one, it's possible the virus may have mutated and become airborne, in which case you're doomed, so you may as well take as many deep breaths as you want, the quicker the better, so that you may feast on the flesh of the-
...
Oh, wow, that probably wasn't the best way to begin an advice letter, is it? Um, sorry about that, forget I just said all that. But seriously...think about it.
What's important is that you're in a mall, this is a good thing, best place to be during a zombie infestation. Have you converted some of the empty freezers to grow hydroponic veggies? (You should do this if you're planning on staying there for any length of time, that way the seeds don't go off, and you can start having nice fresh veggies). [And do let me know if you come across the mythical cookie seeds, I still haven't managed to find them].
...as to the nitwit in charge, go to one of the girly-stores, or the girly-section of the food/general stuff store and find some make-up, slather his face in white/grey stuff while he sleeps, then that way you can kill him and claim zombieism. You'll be hailed a new hero, and possibly be made leader in his place. You seem to have you head screwed on right, so I would take this leadership position if I were you.
[Except you know, *I* wouldn't, because I'm me. I'll be the one hiding behind a couch hugging a shotgun and crying for my agent].
You understand that ZOMBIES CAN WALK UNDER WATER, for this reason alone you should be in charge, anyone who can't think that far (which isn't that far at all) laterally doesn't deserve to be in charge during a crisis situation. Just be sure he doesn't have the support of the majority of the population.
Another thing you could do, if you don't want to risk an all-out confrontation is pick a nice, quiet (and secure!) corner/floor of the mall and make this your space, a place to isolate yourself from the others - claim to be trying to contact other pockets of resistance or working on a cure. Both of these activities are highly recommended if you have the resources, otherwise it's just a comfort to know you have somewhere that you've secured with all of the sensible precautions - and it may pay you to check the general defences of the mall, just in case mister-zombies-can't-chase-us-if-we're-on-a-boat didn't think of some other very basic precautions.
I hope this helps.
[Also, I asked Ryan for several crate of ammo, but he said no...so I'll just keep trying to require some for you].
Until ammo or aneurysm,
Stef
Ask any Wibbly-verse character a question, send your queries to: unseen_spyder@yahoo.com
Glimmer Girl,
What's it like to be a hero? Seriously, how do you handle the stress of saving other people's lives and protecting a whole city? Is it some sort of super-potion or hero-drug that you down with your cereal, is it training, or mind control? Are you secretly a robot?
How is it that you heroes manage to keep doing this? Wouldn't it be a lot easier just to, you know, hide in your apartment all day long and play on the internet?
I'm asking because I get the feeling that I'm going to be asked to grow up soon, and that makes me scared, and being a hero is like being a grown-up, some people are cut out for it, some aren't...I'm of the latter category I believe, so basically...who's your dealer and where can I get the SUPER COMPETENCE POTION?
-Wibbles
Dear Wibbles,
I don’t know how you got my email address, but I will tell you this. Being a superhero is nothing like being a sane, functioning adult. It is the single most painful, humiliating, degrading experience any human being can endure glamorized by fans with power fantasies, which is exactly why it is a task best suited to super-humans like myself.
Do you know why we wear masks? It’s not to ‘protect friends and family’ or whatever: it’s so that you can look your friends and family in the eye safe in the knowledge that they aren’t envisioning you in a gaudy, revealing costume that is only ever considered a sane and fashionable garment by third graders and under.
All the same it draws attention, which is why people often credit me with protecting a whole city single handed when in fact there are police, paramedics, fire-fighters and other emergency workers who do most of the work before me. Honestly some of them are kind of pissed about that, and the many times I suggest that they get some tights of their own they tell me that they aren’t paid enough.
Then there are the heroes who don’t make it. Seriously, when you try to save the world and succeed the world salutes you, but when you’re wearing a leotard and fail miserably people think you’re trying to imitate Jackass.
As impressive as a triple somersault from a twelve story building onto the roof of a bus is there’s very few people who can do it. I’m not one of them.
So, yeah, it’s not because I’m competent. I’m here because I’m lucky enough to have not been killed yet and stupid enough to not quit.
BILLY, (or whatever your name is) DON’T BE A HERO!
GG
If you have a question you'd like to ask any member of the Wibbly verses send your emails in to unseen_spyder@yahoo.com, and if you're lucky enough someone might deign you with an answer. :P
Dear Jessica Alba,
I just want to say that I'm a huge fan and that your portrayal of Stef in the new "Mirrorfall" TV series both moved and inspired me. It was so sad to hear that after twelve seasons that it's finally coming to an end. There are so few powerful women in the media for young girls to emulate as it is so we don't want to lose another one!
My question is whether or not they'll continue in a movie franchise. Will Stef ever find out that it was Taylor pretending to be Ryan that fathered her baby after magically restoring her uterus? Personally I prefer they don't because I would hate to see the Steflor pairing destroyed.
Will Emma and Magnolia get back together? Come on. This whole will they, won't they thing has gone on too long.
Did Merlin really murder Jonesy to go and work for Kane? The finale didn't give any real answers, and we the fans are dying to know! It was so sad, especially after he put all that insane/creepy Andrea stuff behind him and found a beautiful bride with whom he could live a normal life.
You don't really have to tell me anything, but December 2010 is a really long way away and fans need to ask!
With love,
ZOMGSTEFROX
...
...
what is this i don't even
...
no...seriously...what?
I just want to say that I'm a huge fan and that your portrayal of Stef in the new "Mirrorfall" TV series both moved and inspired me.
I know the parallel worlds theory, I know that every possibility that can ever be thought of must exist (kind of like 4chan pr0n and rule 34 or whatever, not that I know anything about that). But seriously...this is going to far. You're trolling me, right? Right? Riiiiight?
...I cannot even fathom the depth of your delusion, and coming from me, that means something.
Starting with...the chick from Dark Angel? Who...looks nothing like me...and has more colour in her skin than my pasty hacker complexion could ever manage? And who has hair that knows what it's like to be washed on a regular basis?
Couldn't you like, have picked someone who bears at least a vague passing resemblance to me? Or...do you have like no idea what I actually look like...or...I'm thinking about this way too hard.
And...twelve season long show? I wasn't aware I was starring in Bonanza. You do realise that, even Buffy and most of the Trek series(serieses?) only go for like 7 seasons?
Twelve? How can you do a twelve season show about real life stuff? It boggles my poor genius brain.
There are so few powerful women in the media for young girls to emulate as it is so we don't want to lose another one!
...powerful woman...I have...no idea who you are referring to, certainly ain't (look your amount of stupid made me use the word "ain't" and that hurts me!) this little hacker girl. No-one in their right (or even left) mind would ever look up to me. I don't even look up to me, and I'm a crazy person!
My question is whether or not they'll continue in a movie franchise. Will Stef ever find out that it was Taylor pretending to be Ryan that fathered her baby after magically restoring her uterus? Personally I prefer they don't because I would hate to see the Steflor pairing destroyed.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
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djakldhakpjdpaodjapojdapofjapfja
...
[Interjection from Agent Ryan: I am well aware that this is some sort of horrific joke, but I've had my recruit pet hacker Stef lying on the floor of my office for an hour making vague, er, "wibble" noises and occasionally shouting something incoherent. I mean, by Chaos, even offering her cookies didn't work.
So, in the best interest of my her sanity, please, when you receive a response to this, assure her that this was a joke, even if there is some basis (though I highly doubt it) in truth for this...situation, tell her that it was a joke, because honestly, it's very hard to do paperwork with someone lying on your office floor.]
I LIVE!
...ok, maybe not, that's still out with the judges, but the point is...I'm back from my nap! It was a good nap, it was three days long, and I woke up somewhere different to where I went to sleep! I'm almost getting used to that!
Anyway...I'm going to take this slowly...
My question is whether or not they'll continue in a movie franchise. Will Stef ever find out that it was Taylor pretending to be Ryan that fathered her baby after magically restoring her uterus? Personally I prefer they don't because I would hate to see the Steflor pairing destroyed.
Slow...slow...
Movies are good, I like movies. Yeah, that...*twitch*
...
...
...
Ok, taking this slow.
First, and this is a big first, this is a stupid fourteen-year-old on YouTube FIRST. Pairing...*twitch*...me up with anyone...*twitch* (least of all Taylor, but I'm going to leave that waaaaay alone, YMMV and all that...in the case of this mileage, I'm putting nitroglycerin your petrol tank)...is tantamount to turning a gay character straight (or, yanno, the other way around). Asexual people exist, goddamnit.
I'm insulted, I'm actually insulted. So seriously, fuck you reader.
...and WTF did you do to my uterus? o_0 It was broken?
...and baby? ...I don't want a parasite inside of me, kthnx.
Will Emma and Magnolia get back together? Come on. This whole will they, won't they thing has gone on too long.
Personally, I've never understood lesbians, four boobs just seems like way too many. I mean, wouldn't that constitute like a mammary critical mass where they can explode and become sentient?
Did Merlin really murder Jonesy to go and work for Kane?
...I think Mer is one of those people who may actually weight about as much as I do, and I don't think that's nearly powerful enough to take out an Agent, even one as relatively small one like Jonesy.
It was so sad, especially after he put all that insane/creepy Andrea stuff behind him and found a beautiful bride with whom he could live a normal life.
Who the heck is Andrea?
With love,
ZOMGSTEFROX
Planning on killing you,
ZOMGSTEF