1 - Imma Birdy

My name's Birdy, Well, that's not my real name cause I dun remember what my real name was, but since itsa what everyone calls me, then it's my name. Ascept not everybody, cause I dun know a big everybody, just a small everybody, cause not a lot of people are allowed to know about Birdybirdy, cause they'd be ascared of me.

An' Imma not scary, I mean, I dun try to be. It's not like I jump out of corners an' go boo, ascept when I do, but I dun do that a lot cause sometimes things go SNAP when I jump out and go boo, an' that's not fun, cause it takes forever for things to unsnap and sometimes they don't sos I have to get another band-aid and I have anuff of those to build a HOUSE.

People get ascared of me, cause I'm a deadie girl. Nows, I know what you're gonna say, it's the same thing that everyone says - that Imma not suppsed to asixt. Deadie girls aren't real, cause the dead stay dieded and dun get up again, ascept when they do, and that's not very often, an' even when they do get back up, they'rea not deadie peoples, they're realive peoples.

Realive peoples, not proper deadie girls or deadie boys, I mean, they dun walk around with womies in their feets. I dun either, whenever I get wormies, Hummer takes them out for me and feeds them to the birdies. I wanna take the wormies fishing, sos that they get to have a swim, and I get a fish, but Imma not allowed to go fishin', Imma not allowed to go nowheres. That's okies though, cause most of the time I dun like the outside, cause it doesn't look like it does in pictures. An' the sun hurts me.

Imma deadie girl, a proper zom…zom…that word, ascept Imma not, cause Imma people too. I dun eat…I dun eat…PEOPLE I DUN EAT PEOPLE.

An' eating people is what separates deadie girls from zombies. Zombies aren't real, Birdybirdy's real. An' there you go.

But that…dunt make everything all betters, cause nobody knows where Birdybirdy comes from, not even me. Zomzoms come from scary movies, Birdybirdy came from nowheres. Hummer gave you to me, little box, sos that I can maybe help myself remember where I came from…but I dun think it's gonna work…an' it'll be good iffin it doesn't cause that means I can sing, and record the songs, then you can sing it back to me when my mouth gets tired and sore, or I forget the words…

I woke up, an' I was Birdy. The End. Umma, I guess that's not anuff is it? I woke up, an' I was Birdy. And then I learnded how to do laundry, an' then The End, is that right? Well, it's right, cause I know it's right, cause I remember laundry, ascept that I forgot today, and played dress-up with it instead, and that made Tegsy unhappy, cause she said that she didn't want the peoples at her school smelling Birdybirdy, sos now I have to wash it twice. Twice! Twice is more times than I have some fingers, an' that's bad.

2 - Fire Bad

Fire.

Big, bad, burny fire, that'sa what I remembers. I wokeded up on fire, or onna fire, I dun quite remember that part, but it dun really matter. Birdybirdy was on fire, an' it hurt. Some of my hair still hasn't growned back! I gotta bald spot that I have to put stickers on or otherwise my head gets cold, and I dun like having a happy face coming out of the back of my head, cause then that means that my head has two faces, an' what happens iffin I forget which one is which? Or, what iffin someone starts talking to the other face, then they dun want to talk to me, cause the other one looks happier? I try to look happy, an' I smile, but even then I get tolded that it looks scary, and peoples preefir to talk to not-scary happy faces, insteada scary happy faces.

Sos, I woked up on fire, and I got off fire, or off the fire, I dun remember, I rolled around an' around an' around an' around till the hurty-burning feeling stopded, then there was only the hurty feeling. An' then I lied there for a while, I dun remember what happened, or iffin anybodies saw me, I just remember sky. I like sky, ascept the part with the sun, an' then I gotted up.

I was ascared, an' alone, and I dudnt knows what to do, sos I followed my feetsies. I knowed that feetsies were smart, and they weren't all burnded, sos they were better than me…so I thoughted maybe they would remember where my home was, or at leastways where to go. My feetsies are stupid, and they didn't knows where to take me, so I just walked round an' round an' round until it was even more dark. I didn't know that I was a deadie girl, jus' that I was a confoozed girl, and that girls aren't supposedta be outside at nighty times, sos I was ascared, and cold, and hurty, and hungry.

An' then I saw a people, he was the first people I'd seen since starting to walk around, an' he got ascared of me even before I had a change to say anything. Who gets ascared of a person before you have a chance to say anything? Peoples at least wait until a puppy starts barking until they get ascared an' start squeaking about it. GRUMP. He started to run away, and I tried to follow him, but he was fast, and I couldn't go very fast. He ran into a wall, an' then he fellded down.

An' then…an' then…An' then there was BAD. BAD. BAD. I didn't…I dun…I WAS HUNGRY! I…He fellded down, an' I was hungry, then he was gone an' I wasn't hungry anymore. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I DUN EAT PEOPLE. Birdybirdy's a good girl. I was confoozed, an' I didn't know what I was doing, an' I was hungry. An' then I didn't knows what to do, sos I just sat there. I tried to cry and it didn't work, sos I wibbled. Itsa not as good as crying, cause your face dun get wet.

3 - Home

It got even darker, an' darker, until it started to get light again, an' then I got founded. I didn't know that I'd got founded at first, alls I knew was that I'd gotten a burger. A burger came out of nowheres and into my hands. Well, not quite nowheres, he was holding it, but I didn't see him until I'd eated the burger, an' the burger paper. It also tasted like burger. I finished the burger, an' then I saw him, a man inna uuuniform. He said some things that Ididn unnerstand, then he took some bits of stuff outta my ears and said them again. He askded me my name, an' I told him that I didn know. He asked where Birdybirdy'd come from, an' I didn't know that neither. He asked me iffin I wanted a hug, an' that I knew.

Birdybirdy gotted a hug, then Birdybirdy gotted a home.

The first thing Hummer did, he told Birdybirdy his name. The second thing Hummer did, he told Birdybirdy that he was a god…but, umma, not to hold it against him. He said it dun make him a bad person, an' that he wasn't one no more, ascept that he is, but he dun like to think about it. He said that he wented away cause they argued too muchly, an' that he just wanted to look after his birdies. No, no, no, he dun have a lot of deadie girls locked in his garage, that was what he was a god of. He looked after Hummingbirds. All pretty little bits of colour goin' faster than a deadie girl can see. He showed me his birdies, an' they're prettier than this Birdy.

Hummer said he could gimme whatever name I wanted till we finded out my real one, but I dun want any name thatsa not mine, I dun want to steal someone else's name. Sos…he said that since he was gonna look after me just like all his other birdies, that that could be me, sos Birdy becomed Birdy.

Then Hummer said that Birdybirdy needed new clothes, cause itsa not good to wear clothes that are dirty, and burnded, and that have…red stuff all over them. He looked at my hurties and made what he could better, he kept sayin' that he was asorry, but he wasn't usedta dealing with deadie girls. Then Birdybirdy got new clothes - all pretty colours and swirlies, and they maded me feel happy. He tolded me that I was home, an' that there wasn't nothing to worry about no mores. An' then he patted me on the head an' I went to sleep.

4 - Who Birdybirdy is now

We still dun know who I am, well, noes, we knows who I am, but we dun know who I was. The was is also kinda important. Sometimes I think I almost remember things, but it hurts, an' no matter how much I let it hurt trying to remember, I still dun remember nothing. Hummer lefted it alone for a long time, while I, umma, re-learnded how to do things, like walk an' talk an' think an' do the laundry, but he gets worried about Birdybirdy when he makes her sleep, cause sometimes she says things, an' they dun make any sense, and then I dun even remember them when I wake up.

Sos, he sat with me in the van, an' said that we need ta know, that it'll probably be hurty, and that it'll be hard, but that itsa best to know. An' then he gave me a datective hat and a little box - you little box - and tolded me to put my thoughts in it sos we can figure out who killed me. I dun think I wanna know. I mean, what iffin he - causea murderderderers area always boys, cause they're better at being bad than girls - tries to hurt me again. I go snap when I go boo, so what happens iffin someone actually tries to hurt me, all of me will go snap, an' that'll be bad. Very bad. An'…what iffin he kills me again, an' I dun even get ta be a deadie girl anymore. I like bein' a deadie girl, itsa better than being a dead-in-the-ground girl.

Hummer says it'll be okies, an' that he just wants ta know sos that he can help me, cause maybe he can make me more like a real girl than a deadie girl iffin he knows what happened. An' hesa god, even iffin he's not the dress-and-beard one, an' peoples are supposed to believe in gods right, cause they dun lie, and why would he lie to a deadie girl anyways - Tegsy said the dead keep secrets, sos that mean I can never tell, sos it'd be okies even if he…I gotted all turned around there…

I dun mind iffin we never find out, so long as I can stay, I gotta home an' a family, and iffin they find out who I was bafore I was Birdybirdy, they might not like me anymores, an' then Imma gonna have ta find a new van to sleep in, an' I finally got my nest the way I like it. But, umma, Hummer's been goodly, an' iffin he says that it's for the bestest then maybe it is, itsa just I dun want to…

I dun want to find out that I was the bad guy. I mean, iffin someone wanted to hurt me, then there was a one hand chance that I was tryin' to hurt them, sos what iffin I was the bad guy. Imma not the bad guy now, an' iffin I found out I was, what iffin I go back to bein' bad? I dun want that...

5 - Things Birdy Knows

Birdybirdy has been thinking about something. I thought about it so hard that I heard something in my brain go POP! An' that's no' easy ta do, aspecially when half of it is burnded, an' itsa hard to make burnded things go pop, unlessen itsa popcorn. Anyways, I thoughted about it, then the pop, an'…an'…I dun know who would want to hurt Birdybirdy. I mean, I dun know who I was bafore, but I dun think I was bad.

I dun think I was bad, I hope I wasn't bad, I think Hummer woulda tolded me iffin I was bad before, I dun know if he'd know, but hesa god, sos I think he would know. Gods are supposed to know stuff like that, even iffin he dun know who I was, I think he'd, umma, look at me and BAD would pop up on his radar. I dun know iffin gods have radar, but I think he would, I mean, sub-mar-eeeens have them, an' gods are more powerful than that. But not as big. I dun think you could fit a whole navy in Hummer, he's just not that big. Unlessen hesa hiding big lots of room on the inside, an' not letting them peek out. Like I hide wormies on the inside, an' dun know until they decide to peek out.

Birdybirdy has just realised that she dun know a lot, an' that there's a big lot that she doesn't know, an' when the badder is bigger, thatsa not goodly! Itsa not good to be outnumbered, cause sometimes the numbers have sevens! An' sevens are evil! They eat nines, and you need nines! Well, I dun neeeed nines, but I think other people do, cause what happens when the answer is nine, but it got eated by a seven, an' you have to use a eight or a ten, the teacher's not gonna ascept that an' they're gonna get on their mean pointy face an' go, no, no, no thatsa not rightly! Thatsa not right, no goes and stand in the corner until the bell rings, an' also, you dun get a cookie.

Sevens are evil cause they make you miss out on cookies.

These are the things that Birdy knows. I knows that I usedta be a people, an' nows Imma deadie girl. I knows that my brain got burnded on the fire, an' thatsa probablies why I dun remember anythin'. I knows that I DUN EAT PEOPLE cause thatsa zombies, an' Imma just a deadie girl, Imma good deadie girl and I dun eat peoples cause Imma good, an' I get to stay where I am cause Imma goodly, and peoples like me cause Imma goodly, an' Birdybirdy dun want that to change. I knows that I got murderered. I knows that someone killded me dead. I know that Imma ascared of finding out who I was, just incase I was the bad guy, but I knows I have to, cause itsa not goodly not knowing who you are.

I got the datective hat, that means Imma gonna solve the mystery.

6 - EXiT

Little box, I knows that I tolded you about Hummer. Hesa god, an' he's goodly. Hesa not a scary lightning an' scary noises kinda god, hesa…umma, more like the kind that works at Monkey Burger an' forgets that hesa god most of the time. He dun like to talk about it, he just wants people to treat him like a people, an' I do, cause I dun asactly know how to treat a god, other than getting down on your knees, an' I dun think he likes that. Nobody's ascared of Hummer, hesa just too nice, he just makes everybody family, an' makes everybody pizza. Lots an' lotsa pizza. An' thatsa goodly, cause I like round food, ascept that it doesn't stay round, and gets into little triangles, an' then I like them less, cause triangles are less fun than rounds cause they gots pointies and pointies hurt. Rounds are nice and soflty, like pillows, or like Birdybirdy's nest.

He makes everybody family, an' there's more people in his family than just Birdybirdy and the little hummingbirdies. Theresa lots of people in the house, an' sometimes I forget them all, an' I haven't even met one of them, an' I can't, cause she won't come out of her room, she's just too ascared of the outside, she dun understand how it works, itsa too big for her, sos her room is her whole world, an' itsa smaller whole world than mine, cause at least I gotted the garage. Her name's Exit, an' you'rea asposed to pro-now-sense it with three cappytals an' a little one, but I dun know how to do that without shouting an' being quiet, sos I just pretend itsa written like anybody else's name.

Exit's, umma, well, Hummer says that shesa god, but not quite, that she smells like a god, but isn't really, an' is more like a angel. Her job was keyboards, but then they gotted rid of her, an' that hurt her, in the head. All she knew was a little room, an' how to look after keyboards, I dun know how to do that, but it sounds like a hard job, an' she musta been goodly at it, cause you only ever get rid of people that are too goodly at their jobs, cause otherwise-

All she knew was a little room, and then they kicked her outta heaven. Okies, okies, itsa not heaven, itsa not even white an' fluffy, but itsa where the gods are. Hummer tried to tell me about it once, but then his mouth made sounds that sounded like song. In French. Or Swedishchefish. An' I didn't know what he was saying, sos I went to look at a rock instead. Itsa the godly place, an' he can't even tell me the same of it, cause he tries, an' then my ears just bubble, sos that's what I call it: Ear Bubble.

Sos Exit got kicked, wheeeeeeeeeee, splat! outta Ear Bubble, and into a scary place that she didn't know nothing about - outside. She hid inna trashcan and crieded, typing messages onna keyboard that wasn't connected to nothing. An' she kept trying her ascape button, ascept that it didn't work. Hummer found her, an' then brought her here, an' didn't even make her use her legs, he just magiced her here, and gave her a closet to hide in until he found a room for her.

Exit's goodly, even iffin I only knows her from her stories.

7 - What Deadie Girls are Afraid of

Well, theresa me, an' Hummer, an' Exit, but thatsa not all though, Hummer's family's bigger than that, even iffin itsa not as big as it usedta be. He said he usedta have a really, really big family, but then things happened, an' people went away an' didn't come back. I think he means they dieded, not that they got losted. Iffin they got losted, they shoulda found their way back by now… Iffin they didn't find their way back from being losted by now, then they're really, really losted, and probably dead anyway.

I feel all sadly on the inside for Hummer, cause I've never had anyone go away like that. Peoples run away from me, cause they're ascared of me, but I've never had anyone I like go away and be dead an' never come back. In fact I've never even had anyone I like go away and be dead. All the peoples I knows an' likes are alive, an' probably gonna stay that way unlessen something real bad happens, an' I hope that dun happen, an' I pray that that dun, even though the gods dun listen.

There's another girl in the house - an' it's not fair on Hummer, cause we outnumber him by a lot! Or a few! Or a something! Anyways, lots more girls than boys, an' that's not goodly. There's another girl, an' Birdybirdy's ascared of her. People are supposed to be ascared of me, and I'm ascared of her! Well, peoples aren't supposed to be afraid of me, cause Imma not scary, but Imma deadie girl, Imma not supposed to be ascared of nothing…an' Tegsy said that means Imma ascared of everything, but that wasn't what I meant, an' how am I supposed to know what words mean iffin I say them and they turn out to mean something else?

Tegsy is Tegs, iffin you say her name the short way. She's the daughter of some special people. Peoples that saved the world. Peoples that are dead and gone now. Her parents were special, an' sos she, cause she's got ghosties that follow her around. Thatsa special, cause that's not asposed to happen. Ghosties happen when people dun make it back from…over there. Little box, you can't see me cause you dun have eyes, but Imma pointing over there, over there that you can't see, that nobody can see cause it's not there, but ghosties happen when they don't come back from over there. They try, but they get losted along the way and then they can't be realive again.

Ghosties then float around an' around an' around, sometimes you can see them, but most of the time not, cause they're not really there. They're mad, like the bad kind of mad, not the angry kind of mad, on the inside, sos they can't really think or feel or do anything asecpt be there for the rest of forever, or until somebody makes them go away. They hang around Tegsy like they'rea pegged to her, she says she dun know why it is, but they like hanging around her cause when they'rea near her, they can think, just a itsy bitsy teeny tiny bit, and that makes them happy. They protect her.

When Tegsy's scared or mad, the angry kind of mad, they get big an' dark an' scary, like shadows, an' then the whole world feels…foopy. Foopy an' bad and like you just wanna go hide in your nest, under a blankie, sos that's what I do. But its okies, that only happens sometimes, cause Tegsy dun get angry a lot. I try not to make her angry, I mean, itsa not my fault that her clothes are fun to play dress up in!

8 - The Nice Lady

There'sa nother girl in the house, sos it's even more unfair on Hummer. Ascept that she dun live in the house, sos its not quite as unfair as I thoughted it was, only a little, itsa like she counts as a half or something. Ascept that she counts for more than that, cause shes nice. Shesa also Death, sos I think that makes her count for a little more. Cause...shesa even more...more...than the peoples who live in Ear Bubble.

She comes an visits Hummer sometimes, an I knows shesa been to see Hummer cause she uses the door, even though she dun have to. She never has to use any doors, I dun think doors even asixt in her world, she can just goes anywheres that she wants. But, when shes been to see Hummer, she uses the door.

But...most of the time she dun go to see Hummer, an just comes straight to Birdybirdy, and I knows this, cause iffin I tell Hummer about it later, he dun know what I mean, an even sometimes asks iffin I meant the last time that he visited him. He dun ask that so much nomores though, but I think hesa little sad that hesa not her favourite, an I dun like it when hesa sad, cause hesa so goodly, sos I made him a little Death for his own. Itsa made out of a tea towel, an itsa not black like her clothes are, an the face is made outta a peg, but itsa little Death all his own, an he liked it cause he gaveded Birdybirdy a hug after I gave it to him.

Shes the nice lady. A lot more people are ascared of her than of Birdybirdy, but thats only cause they dun know her. They get all caughted up in being ascared of the grrrrrrrrim reaper, an thinking that she kills people, but she dun! She dun! She dun kill peoples just like I dun kill peoples. Shesa so nice, an itsa just her job to help people after they die to make sure that they dun get all losted. Itsa not good when peoples get lostyfied. She musta got a bad tick from her boss when Birdybirdy got losted, an thatsa probably why she comes an sees me and makes me the house favourite, itsa to make up for it. Ascept maybe not. Maybe itsa my fault I’m like this. She says sometime like that sometimes...

Most of the time, she just sings to me, an' itsa goodly. Sometimes my ears bubble, but mostly my ears go "what was that"? Cause I dun understand what she said. She sings an' I can't understand it, but itsa nice anyway. Goodly songs, from places that wented far away.

I knowed that peoples could go far away, but I didn't know that places could go far away, she says that they do, an' that itsa sad, an' it is, an' that the way she makes it even a little bit better is to sing their songs. I think thatsa stealing, but I think it's the good kind, like Robbing Hood! Maybe thatsa why she wears her hood, so that Prince Sheriff of Not-in-ham dun find her!

She sits in the van with me, an' talks, an' itsa nice. Sometimes I dun even have to talk, an' she talks back. She's just special like that, like a mumma, she knows what you mean, even iffin you dun say it. Itsa nice to have a mumma again.

Birdybirdy musta had a mumma before she was Birdybirdy, but she dun remember her. I dun remember anything from before I was Birdybirdy. Maybes my mumma's got a new girl, one that she can sing to, insteada just a losted one that dun come home.

Or maybe my mumma's not goodly, but that dun make sense, iffin you're gonna be a mumma, then you're asposed to be a goodly mumma, cause you get the cuddles, an' cuddles make everything goodly! Everything!

I dun know my old mumma, but I do know my new mumma, an' she's goodly, an' I love her. She makes me feel all goodly on the inside. I wanna sing like my new mumma, but I only knows the peacock song...

9 - All About Me

Sos there's, umma, not a lot that Birdybirdy knows, so in order to find whoever killded me, I, umma, decided to look at what I know, not what I dun know. Itsa not things like laundry, or even how to use a spoon - which isn't as easy as everybody thinks it is, cause they'rea tricksy, and always go the wrong way when youre trying to eat something soft. But only soft things, when itsa something hard, like, umma, porridge, it always does what you want it to.

No, not things like laundry, more like Birdy things. Things all about Birdy, cause iffin I dun know about me, then I dun know who would want to, umma...umma, me. I'm ascared of finding out, I already told you that, little box, but, umma, at the same time, I think I want to. Itsa kind of like when you want to eat a car, and you knows that you shouldnt, but you nom on it anyway, although you dun have teeth, little box, so you probably dun want to eat cars that much.

Birdy is a girl. I thoughted so, even bafore Hummer finded me, Imma lumpy in the right places. Girl lumps, though some boys have lumps too, but usually they has a Santa tummy to go with it. Sos Birdybirdy issa girl, an thatsa why Immadorable little deadie girl. Well, I dun know that Immadorable, but Hummer says so an I think I have to listen to a god. You're, umma, supposed to, I think.

Imma girl, an I died, we knows that much for sure, I couldn't asactly be a deadie girl iffin I was a living girl. But, umma, Hummer says that Imma also kinda alive, cause I wouldn't be a walky talky girl iffin I wasnt at leastaways a little alive.

I knows I was killded by magic, I dun know what kind, but it was magic, Hummer tolded me that much. He said that iffin it wasn't magic, I wouldn't have become a deadie girl. I'd be a living girl or a not-at-all girl. Imma glad Imma not a not-at-all girl, I think that would be badly. Sos...magic. I dun know what kind, he dun know what kind, but some kind.

Imma not magical, I can't shoot light-ten-ning outta my fingers, or go disappear! I can't do nothing ascept be a deadie girl. Sos, that means, umma, that I didn't kill myself, an' that'sa goodly, cause umma, the nice-replacement-mumma said once that iffin you make yourself go away, you go away forevers, an' dun go nowheres. Peoples who make themselves go away make her really sad, cause it means that she dun get a chance to help them. I dun know how she helps them, but she says that she does, an' you gotta believe your mumma, even iffin she'sa only a replacement mumma.

The fact that it was magic gives Hummer some ideas, but not many, an' says it could mean something, or maybes Birdybirdy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hope it wasn't that way, cause that means that Birdybirdy's a deadie girl for no reason. Nothing good ever comes from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Itsa different iffin its the right time and the wrong place, cause that just means that you gotta run, but iffin itsa the wrong time and the right place, then itsa sadly, cause that means that you missed the person you were gonna meet, an' that might be the last time you get to see them, sos then you're all alone in the snow forevers, and that'sa badly.

The other thing that Birdybirdy knows about herself is that Imma nearly one, not quite yet, an' itsa not like itsa my real birthday, itsa just my...Birdyday, insteada a birthday. Itsa what you get when you're a deadie girl, an' you dun remember when your real birthday is. I was told there will be cake. Future cake tastes nice, or maybe that was the mouse that was asleep in my mouth when I wokeded up.

10 - Foods Time!

Hummer didn't feed me today, he gotted busy at work, an' forgotted to come home at lunchytime. Now, I knows they call it lunchytime sos the person who is working can get foods, but he uses his lunchytime to come home and feed Birdybirdy. Imma only a little deadie girl, but I can feed myself - unlessen itsa with a spoon. I knows where the foods are - usually, they're, unmma, onna plate, but iffin they'rea not onna plate, then they're in the fridge. Sometimes they're in the oven, but Birdybirdy isn't allowed to touch the oven after what happened. Hummer puts his fingers up in the air and calls it the "kitchen warming" accident. Itsa okies though. I dun like the oven, the oven is hot, an'...hot is like fire an' Birdybirdy dun like fire.

He callded my phone, not the house phone, itsa mine an' special cause alls I have to do is hit the big red button sos that I can speak sos that I dun have to worry about holding the phone an' speaking at the same time, cause that'sa kinda hard to do. With one hand you has to hold the phone, an' you have to hold it a certain way, otherwise the peoples on the other end can't hear you properly, and then with the other hand you have to make sockpuppets, an' onnatop of all that, you have to remember to talk! Otherwise they stand there trying to talk, an' only end up talking to themselves, an' thatsa kinda RUDE!

Imma allowed to leave my room, not the house, but my room. Imma not allowed to go into other people's rooms after what Hummer puts his fingers up and calls the "Tegsy's room de-cleaning" in-see-dent. I just usually dun go outta my room cause the rest of the house is a lot brighter, an' the sun hurts me. The couch room issa nice though, not as nice as my nest, by sleepy soft all the same, an' I sleep there sometimes, sometimes even when I didn't mean to, but Hummer makes me sleep a lot, cause I forget to do it sometimes, an' most of the time I just forget how... Imma not sure that deadie girls have to sleep, cause wouldn't I just sleep iffin I had to? Hummer says that since Imma deadie an' my body forgets to de-snap sometimes, that he'sa god an' knows betters, sos young lady you'rea gonna go to sleep right now, cause you've already got your teddy bear.

Imma gonna go get foods now...Imma just gonna turn you off for a minute, little box, itsa okies, itsa like sleeping, not like gonna become a little deadie box. I'll be back-

-an' nows Imma back. Imma okies, it wasnt scary, it wasnt bad an' the sun didnt try to hurt me. Tegsy was asleep on the couch in the couch room, an' I was all quiet sos that I didnt wake her up, I even patted her on the head and said IMMA BEIN' SNEAKY sos that she knew that I knew she was asleep. She got her grouchy face on, an' went back to her room.

There was no foods onna plate for me, sos I wented to the fridge. I usedta have trouble opening it, cause fridges are very strong, they like to protect their foods an' go no, no, no, little deadie girl, you dun get to have foods. But then Hummer gaveded the fridge a good talking to an' made it easier for me to open. Nows I can get foods whenever I want, unlessen they'rea someone else's, cause you'rea not asposed to eat other people's foods. What's my food is lay-belled with my name sos that I know that its okies to eat. My name is a little drawing of a birdy onna lay-bell. I can read the kind of names with words an' letters, but sometimes they get all jumbled up inna my head, an' then I get confused as to which one are my thoughts an' which ones are the words.

I gotted pizza, an' since it was in my box, an' not new pizza, itsa cut into rounds for me!

Also, also, I saw the magic mouse that lives in the fridge. He says that hesa not a mouse, but I said, iffin you'rea that small, then you have to me a mouse! Cause people dun come in that little. An' he said that hesa fae, an' I said that thatsanother word for peoples, an' that peoples dun come that small. An' then he said he was a mumble-grumble-fairy an' then I understood, cause fairies are allowed to be that small, an' peoples, they gotted special persmissions or something.

11 - Television

Hummer's still not home. He'sa not late though, Imma just looking for him early. Peoples are always late when you look for them early. I ated my pizza rounds, and they tasted round an'. that'sa good. Imma bored now, little box, I already dided the laundry, an' I even dided it properly this time, an' I didnt't try an' wash my hand - the machine dun work when you try an' wash your hand as well. Itsa not fair, I like washing my hair. I like having a bath, ascept I can only do that on weekends, cause someone has to watch me, otherwise we, umma, will have to have a repeat of the scrunchy fingers "Birdy de-watering" day.

I likeded that, but it was squishy, iffin I stay in the bath too long, aspecially iffin I fall asleep like I did then, I get water everywheres, and it stays everywhere, so I had to be de-watered. I was nice an' cool, but I was all blobby and bloaty, umma, like a inflatable boaty, so I couldn't really move around a lot. I had to be rolled! Peoples got to play Birdy ball!

But, umma, Imma bored an' there's no-one home, sos Imma gonna watch teevee. Imma bad, cause Imma not supposed to watch teevee without other peoples around, but I kinda do, cause naughty feels tingly an' I like feeling tingly. Imma not asposed to, cause somtimes bad things happen. Not really, really bad things, asecpt sometimes maybe. I watcheded one show, about making the garden better, an' I tried to do it...but I didn't make the garden better. We have a new garden now. I tried, but it just didn't work, I think the peoples on the garden show are magic, cause there'sa no way that you can make a whole yard better in half a clock circle. Magic! At least, umma, I got to pick out some flowers for the new garden.

An' there was this other show, all about pretty ladies, an' the pretty ladies tryin' to make themselves more pretty. They trieded to make themselves more pretty by goin' for a mud bath. ...mud baths dun work that well when they'rea not onna teevee. Inna real life, itsa lot, lot dirtier, and there'sa lot more scowly faces, an' itsa very hard to get the mud outta some places. Mud baths inna real life even make gods go sad sigh. Even all the clean water in the house didn't make Birdybirdy clean, sos he useded magic to make me clean. It was, umma, bright, an' warm, but not like bad fire warm, the nice huggy kind of warm, an' then I was clean. It also made the bad scowly faces not so bad an' scowly.

I like cartoons, cartoon peoples are like real peoples, ascept brighter an'...flatter. They'rea helpful and tell you stuffs, but you gotta be careful which colourful flat peoples that you listen to, cause sometimes they'rea the bad guy, an' then we're back to Birdybirdy bein' evil again, an' I dun want that, but sometimes you just want the bad guy to win...wells, mainly cause you dun know that he'sa the bad guy.

I mean, iffin you have a guy who wears purple who, umma, issa best friends with a little squishy pink person who lives inna tummy, who fights these four big green monsters who take orders from a evil rat man...wells, people who wear purple are always betters!

An' then sometimes I blink, an' there'sa different show on, an' itsa all about turtles, an' they'rea the good guys, an' one of them talks just like Hummer! An' they fight this guy who wears spikes an' a evil hat. Itsa evil cause you can't see his face, an' if you peoples can't see your face, then you'rea evil, cause it means you've got something to hide. Unlessen itsa wool hat, cause that just means itsa cold outside.

My feets get cold sometimes, an' stop working, an' then they take a long time to start working again, I dun like it when my feets forget how to work...

12 - The Penguin Man

I finded you, didn't I, little box? You thoughted you could hide under all of the newspapers that I putted onnatop of you, but I finded you anyway. You're, umma, a good little box, even iffin you're sometimes a bad little box. I like you, little box.

Umma...

Oh, yuppersyuppers, the peguin man came today, an' his belly was still all cold an' blue an' stuff. He's, umma, a very very serious penguin, which is sad cause peguins are supposed to be happy an' sitting on eggs an' things. I asked Hummer iffin he needed a egg to sit on, iffin that would make him a happy penguin man, but Hummer said noooooes, it wouldn't, that he was't the kind of penguin that could be helped by a egg.

An' I dun like it when the penguin man comes, cause I haveta stay in the garage, umma, Imma in here most of the time, but sometimes it gets scary when I think itsa scary, sos I have to leave, but iffin the peguin man is here, I can't, I haveta stay all quiet and stuffs, like a good little deadie girl.

I dun mind though, cause Hummer buys me a treat iffin Imma a good, quiet, little deadie girl, an' I try to be, sometimes Imma so quiet that I haveta go IMMA BEIN' QUIET just to reminds people that Imma here, and still being a good, quiet little deadie girl.

Sos, when the penguin man gotted here, Hummer lifted up and carried me to the garage, just cause deadie girl walk is too slow when you gots someone at the door, waiting to be let in for tea and cookies and whatever else penguins like. Fishies, I think.

We had some fishies that I tried to get ready for him last time he came, but that was...bad. A-pap-a-rent-lee you aren't supposedta feed the goldie fishies to peoples who come to the house, even iffin they'rea penguins.

Sos I had to be all quiets, so I played with the pegs for a while, which is a quiet game, like a counting game, which is goodly, ascept when you forgot which ones are your fingers and which ones are the pegs, an' then you tries you pick your fingers with other fingers an' try and put your hand in a bag an' then it just gets more bad whe you can't figure out how to get your hand loose, cause itsa all losty in shadow, and shadow is hard to find your way out of.

An' I could hear the penguin man talking to Hummer through the door, even iffin I could only see him a little bit through the air vent, an' thatsa only when I was lying on my tummy the right way up, cause iffin I was up the wrong way alls I could see was the roof, an' the spiders that live there.

They were having grown up talk, which is boring, an' Hummer's less fun when the penguin man is around, cause he acts like a grown-up, an' Hummer isn't goodly at being a grown-up. An' then they talked about Tegsy, which was, umma, less boring, but still mostly boring, cause, umma, I dun understand a lot of what they were talking about. Tegsy's school stuffs, I think.

An' the penguin man keeps asking iffin Tegsy needs anything, like he's gonna buy it for her or something, iffin she needs this, iffin she needs that, an' sometimes asking iffin she's got special powers...like a stuperhero. I shook my head at the air vent, cause Hummer's the only superduper people around here. Unlessen bein' a deadie girl counts, or iffin blowing yourself up and only going "SWEAR WORD" before going back to blow yourself up again like Asy counts, he's the oooonly supered person here.

An' then the penguin man disappeareded, just like a blink, just like that, he dun even use the door to say goodbyes.

An' thatsa kinda rude.